Life On Earth?
by gatsbys
Summary: Frank, Magenta and Riff Raff adjust to their new life on planet Earth and it's strange culture. [A series of one-shots, pre-Rocky] Please R&R.
1. The Truck

_Authors Note:_ This is going to be a series of different one-shots all focused around the Transylvanians adjustment to life on Earth incorportating '70s culture as well. Hope you like it!

* * *

The truck appeared down the road from the castle's gates one foggy morning. It had more rust than it did paint, and one of the rear tires was flat, which they assumed was the reasoning for it's abandonment in the first place. As unfamiliar with Earth and it's transportation vehicles as Magenta was, she even knew this thing might as well have been scrap.

Frank, on the other hand, had circled it over and over, finger pressed to his painted lips, and declared he was going to decide the value of the truck for himself. Riff Raff, who was far more skilled in the mechanics department, took to checking underneath the car and observing it's different parts. Frank only looked at the exterior of the truck, as he did with most things in his life, and didn't really stop to think about whether or not the thing could actually run. He left the dirty work up to Riff Raff, as per usual. Magenta had just come to observe the two, an easy excuse for avoiding her chores around the castle.

"I think.. it's perfect!" He announced, clasping his hands together under his chin and grinning widely at the rusted machine.

Riff Raff groaned and crawled out from under the truck, brushing the dirt from his clothes. "That is, if we can get it running." He added, resulting in a frown from Frank.

'What do you mean, _if?_ " He stomped the ground with a stiletto heel, his hands curling into fists at his side. He resembled a child throwing a tantrum. "Why are you always so pessimistic?"

"It's not _pessimism_ , it's _realism._ " Riff rolled his eyes, gesturing to the truck. "The machine runs by inserting a key into a slot that starts the engine." He enunciated his words slowly so Frank would understand, making a motion with his hand that mimicked a key turning. "Whoever abanonded this vehicle left us no means of a key, therefore, we would need to figure out a way to get the engine running without one."

Frank looked unamused by his lecture and crossed his arms in front of his chest, blantantly displeased with Riff's sarcasm. "I think you mean YOU need to figure out a way." He hissed, turning and stomping back off towards the castle, leaving the two siblings with the truck. Magenta looked to her brother who just simply rolled his eyes. This was nothing out of the ordinary.

* * *

The next afternoon offered warmer weather, a perfect oppurtunity Riff saw to complete his work on the Earth vehicle. The Transylvanian trio had been on the planet for a little over a month now, and up until now, had no means of transportation. Things at the castle were being the feel tense and Riff found himself going stir crazy, as did the others. The closest town, Denton, was a few miles out from where they were located, and it was impossible to make the trip without a car. However, being forgeiners on this planet, they lacked the means of acquiring such a thing, and they'd merely gotten lucky with finding this piece of junk only a few feet from their property. The flat tire was an easy fix to him, but being unfamiliar with the other parts of this strange Earthly vehicle, he was unsure of how to get the damned thing running without it's designated key. He decided to take his tools and go over it's parts again, hoping a solution would come to him the more he tinkered with it.

Magenta was chopping vegetables in the kitchen when he poked his head in, toolbox in hand. She looked completely focused, brows furrowed, and he knew she must hate being stuck in the castle with all the housework day in and day out. He remained in the doorway unnoticed and watched her continue slicing carrots with careful percision, his lips curling at the edges, appreciating her beauty. How did she make cutting vegetables so attractive?

"Are you going to say hello or just stare at me?" She drawled, knowing it was him without even raising her eyes from the cutting board.

"Am I not allowed to admire you?" He asked, pretending to be offended as he leaned against the doorway.

"Not at all." She smirked, looking up at him with a raised eyebrow. Her eyes went to the toolbox in his hand. "What are you up to, brother?"

"Just working on that stupid truck rusting away outside." Riff sighed, "I fixed the tire already, but I figure the sooner I get it to actually run, the sooner Frank is out of my hair." He paused, scratching his head, and thought for a second. "Would you like to join me?"

Magenta laughed sarcastically, "Riff, you know I'm useless with mechainics."

"Nonsense." He rattled the toolbox at her. "You can hand me things. I need something nice to look at, anyways."

* * *

Magenta sat in the bed of the truck, handing tools down to Riff, who was currently lying on his back underneth the car, as he requested them. He transitioned back and forth between that and the hood, all the while explaining to Magenta what he was doing step-by-step. She didn't understand most of what he was talking about, but she enjoyed the sound of his voice, and he enjoyed having someone listening.

After a few hours of tightening that and loosening this, Riff believed he had figured out the solution on how to get it running. "I think it's all with the wires." He explained, crawling into the drivers side of the truck. He fiddled with the wires underneth the steering wheel until suddenly there was a low groan and the engine roared to life. "Eureka!" Riff exclaimed, jumping out of the truck and embracing his sister in a hug, lifting her into the air. This was the most excited she had seen him in the month they'd lived here, and while she wasn't sure if it was because of his mechanical discovery or the idea of finally getting Frank out of the house, she was grateful for it.

"So what do we do with it now?" She asked as he set her back on the ground, both siblings catching their breath, smiles remaining.

Riff looked at her mischeviously. "We test drive it."

* * *

If there was one thing they knew less of than the mechanisms of Earth vehichles, it was how to drive one. The truck had various levers and peddles, and it took a good hour of experimenting with them before Riff got a slight grasp of the main gears and how they worked. This did not exclude them backing into a tree accidently during the process. Once they got the idea of how to go forward and backwards, it was just like manuvering a spaceship... almost. It was definitely a lot more difficult. But eventually the siblings found themselves making their way down the long, winding road that would lead them into the town of Denton.

Magenta had figured out how to roll the windows down and let the breeze circulate through the truck, tossing her vibrant red curls around. She dangled one arm out the window, catching the wind in her hand, counting the trees that passed them by. Riff seemed content himself, leaning back more in his seat as he became more comfortable driving. Occasionally she'd look over and smile lovingly. In a way, it was almost peaceful. The ability to just drive away and never return to the castle or Frank if they so wanted. Neither of them said it, but they knew the idea was in the back of both their minds.

Eventually, they reached a large billboard featuring a heart and the words DENTON, THE HOME OF HAPPINESS that welcomed them into the small city, it's skyline looming in the distance. They had chosen to set up base on the outskirts of a smaller city such as this to avoid drawing too much attention to themselves. This way, they could go into the town if needed, and remain undetected. If they'd placed their ship in the middle of a suburban neighborhood, for example, they would have stuck out like a sore thumb. The castle sat at the end of a dead end street that hardly any earthlings traveled on. The chances of anyone stumbling upon their home was slim, and even if they did, they wouldn't think it too much of it.

As they cruised into Denton, they passed a variety of shops with colorful storefronts and window displays, a movie theater with bright neon lights, and tall buildings with windows so big you could peer right inside. Earthlings walked on the sidewalks with their children in tow, weaving in and out of the various shops. Magenta was both captivated and confused by it all.

"Earth people have some strange customs." Riff noted, taking in the city as well. "We'll have to pick up on some of them so we don't stand out."

Magenta looked at their clothing, which was very different from anything she had ever seen on their home planet. Then it dawned on her - clothes. New Earth clothing was the perfect thing to help disguise them amongst these humans. Their Transylvanian attire would make people suspicous immediately.

"We'll have to go shopping." She suggested, gazing at the shop windows in front of her. Mannequins wearing colorful outfits stared back at her. She was fascinated by them. Perhaps she would like Earth a little after all.


	2. The Guest

_Author's Note: it's been awhile since I updated any of my stories and the feedback on the last chapter was very appreciated, so I hope you guys like this chapter! Sorry for the wait!_

* * *

Frank had called for a "family meeting" that morning in the dining room, putting an emphasis on the word family. The reasoning for the meeting neither of the siblings, sleepy-eyed and still dressed in their night clothes, could have guessed. They shuffled into the room at the designated 8 am, rubbing their eyes and pulling their robes closed around themselves, Frank waited for them in his usual spot at the head of the table, tapping his nails impatiently. His make up for the day was already finished and pristine as ever, though his hair still remained twisted in their pink curlers. He donned a pair of matching silk pajamas, to which both siblings were grateful he had chosen to wear for once.

"I'm glad you both could join me this morning." He smiled, digging his spoon into the grapefruit slice in front of him and taking a dainty bite. "We have important matters to discuss."

Riff groaned and rolled his eyes. "Was the subject really so important it couldn't have at least waited until the sun came up?" The two locked eyes, challenging each other. Magenta found herself annoyed at how these two could go at each other's throats so early in the morning. Neither seemed to be backing down and they held their gazes for a few moments longer until Frank seemed to get bored and returned to his breakfast.

"I hired new help."

The siblings now turned their eyes to each other, mirroring expressions of both surprise and disbelief. Riff sputtered, "That can't be possible, we just moved to this planet a month ago and just recently found the means of transportation, how in _Transsexual_ did you manage to meet someone?" Magenta could see him putting the pieces together in his head while she did the same, trying to recall a time when she even saw Frank leave the castle grounds. The most activity she had seen from him was when he would occasionally go for a stroll around the property when he got too frustrated with Riff Raff and, in his exact words, "had to leave the house before he threw something, or worse."

Frank smirked and set his spoon down, folding his hands in front of him. He was so obviously enjoying the inner turmoil he was causing. "Let's just say I have my ways and leave it at that." He enunciated each word more than the last, very firmly suggesting they speak no more of the subject. "She will be arriving later and joining us for dinner, so be on your best behaviors!"

He got up from his chair and strutted out of the room, leaving his half eaten grapefruit behind and the siblings staring at each other dumbly.

* * *

Magenta had been left with the tasks of not only preparing the meal for tonight, a roast that was to be cooked exactly to Frank's liking, but also making sure the castle was spotless looking. That meant sweeping away all the cobwebs it had aquired over the last month and even licking the dirt from the floors herself if it wasn't up to Frank's standards. From the look of his anxiety over the evening, one might have guessed he was trying to impress whoever it was that was to be joining them.

Riff poked his head into the theater as Magenta was shoving some boxes behind the satin curtain. She wiped the dust off on her apron and contiuned sweeping half-heartedly, despising Frank more and more with every stroke of the broom across the stage floor. She could see Riff watching her from the corner of her eye but remained silent, too annoyed to speak to even him. He must have sensed this, however, and left his hiding spot in the doorway and moved towards her, extending his hand to her as he got closer. She looked at it and ignored the gesture coldly, focused on her cleaning.

"Dance with me." He said, leaving his hand out for her to take. She continued to ignore it.

"Riff, I'm not in the mood. Frank has me practically on my hands and knees scrubbing every inch of this damned castle just so he can probably get shagged tonight." She retorted, annoyed, turning her back to him and moving away to sweep a different part of the stage. Her coldness didn't deter Riff and he followed her, arm still extended.

"But.. we aren't at the castle." He suggested playfully, an inside joke only they knew. As children, both of them had wild imaginations. They loved playng pretend, whether it be doctors or international space travelers, they were always trying to imagine themselves somewhere else. He could see her becoming less tense as he continued to speak. "We're back on Transsexual.. its night-time and we're at our favorite spot on the beach.. the moon is reflecting on the waters. It's just us, no castle, no Frank, no Earthlings, no responsibilities. Your favorite song is playing." He began humming.

She turned around, her features softening as she reached out and took his hand. He spun her around, the broom falling to the floor with a quiet thud. They remained in each other's embrace and slow danced, Magenta resting her head on Riff's shoulder.

"How do you do that?" She pondered, nestling her head against his neck. Her bad mood was almost non existent now.

"Do what?" He asked, still humming in her ear.

"Always know exactly what to say to make me feel better."

He spun her once more and pulled her back close to his chest, sweeping a red curl from her face. "I know you better than myself, my dear."

They continued swaying along to the song only they could hear.

* * *

The dining room was in flawless condition by the time dinner rolled around. Even after their dance break, and a bit of Riff Raff's help, Magenta managed to get the rest of the castle cleaned and the meal prepared before their "guest of honor" arrived. Frank even had them break out the good china and set an extra fork down for dinner. The doorbell rang it's old melodic chime at precisly 6 o'clock as Frank had anticipated and he sent Riff to greet them, still fussing nervously with his outfit and making sure his hair was curled to perfection.

Magenta lingered behind him on the staircase, watching as he opened the door and let their guest in. A chipper female voice floated into the room and she peeked over the banister to see a short, red-haired female following in tow, looking around the castle in awe. This was probably an unusual sight for any Earthling. Castle's couldn't be a common thing seen around Denton, and Magenta wondered what lie Frank had told the poor girl to lure her here.

"You can leave your coat with me, Miss...?" Riff trailed off, unsure of her name. Frank never gave it to either of them.

"Columbia!" She squeaked, polietly handing him her jacket. Underneath she wore a pair of tight, blue bell-bottom pants and a bright orange top that tied at her breasts. She was obiviously trying to impress Frank as much as he was trying to impress her, and Magenta wasn't in the slightest bit surprised he had hired them to cater his date with the young girl.

Riff Raff threw her coat down the on steps and directed her towards the dining room, staring straight ahead to avoid any eye contact with her chest. Magenta took pleasure in his loyalty towards her as she followed silently behind them, unseen.

Frank was waiting once again at the head of the table, a crystaline wine glass perched in his hand. When they entered the room, he stood, crossing over to Columbia and kissng her hand, leaving a lipstick stain behind. He muttered his usual, charming line, something he picked up from an Earthling book. She wasn't sure if he knew what it meant, but he said he liked the sound of it. "Enchanté."

Columbia giggled almost childishly, her face flushing a red almost identical to that of her hair. Magenta looked at the two with a scowl, disgusted at how easily everything came to Frank.

"It's a pleasure to have you in our humble abode. These are my servants, Riff Raff and Magenta." He gestures at the duo, both of which appeared underdressed compared to Frank, still dressed in their clothing from doing chores. They both were displeased by the term "servants."

"I'm pleased to meet ya!" She chirped, smiling a toothy grin. She gestured to Magenta's frizzy curls. "I like your hair!"

Frank cleared his throat, directing her attention back to him, and smiled widely. "Anyways, shall we eat?"

* * *

 _To be continued.._


End file.
